婚姻鞋

毕淑敏

 

婚姻是一双鞋。

 

先有了脚，然后才有了鞋。幼小的时候光着脚在地上走，感受沙的温热，草的润凉，那种无拘无束的洒脱与快乐，一生中会将我们从梦中反复唤醒。

 

走的路远了，便有了跋涉的痛苦。在炎热的沙漠被炙得像驼鸟一般奔跑，在深陷的沼泽被水蛭蜇出肿痛……

 

人生是一条无涯的路，于是人们创造了鞋。

 

穿鞋是为了赶路，但路上的千难万险，有时尚不如鞋中的一粒砂石令人感到难言的苦痛。

 

鞋，就成了文明人类祖祖辈辈流传的话题。

 

鞋可由各式各样的原料制成。最简陋的是一片新鲜的芭蕉叶，最昂贵的是仙女留给灰姑娘的那只水晶鞋。

 

不论什么鞋，最重要的是合脚；不论什么样的姻缘，最美妙的是和谐。

 

切莫只贪图鞋的华贵，而委屈了自己的脚。别人看到的是鞋，自己感受到的是脚。脚比鞋重要，这是一条真理，许许多多的人却常常忘记。

 

我做过许多年医生，常给年轻的女孩子包脚，锋利的鞋帮将她们的脚踝硌得鲜血淋淋。缠上雪白的纱布，套好光洁的丝袜，她们袅袅地走了。但我知道，当翩翩起舞之时，也许会有人冷不防地抽搐嘴角：那是因为她的鞋。

 

看到过祖母的鞋，没有看到过祖母的脚。她从不让我们看她的脚，好像那是一件秽物。脚驮着我们站立行走。脚是无辜的，脚是功臣。丑恶的是那鞋，那是一副刑具，一套铸造畸形残害天性的模型。

 

每当我看到包办而蒙昧的婚姻，就想到祖母的三寸金莲。

 

幼时我有一双美丽的红皮鞋，但鞋窝里潜伏着一只夹脚趾的虫。每当我不愿穿红皮鞋时，大人们总把手伸进去胡乱一探，然后说：“多么好的鞋，快穿上吧！”为了不穿这双鞋，我进行了一个孩子所能爆发的最激烈的反抗。我始终不明白：一双鞋好不好，为什么不是穿鞋的人具有最后决定权？！？

 

旁的人不要说三道四，假如你没有经历过那种婚姻。

 

滑冰要穿冰鞋，雪地要着雪靴，下雨要有雨鞋，旅游要有旅游鞋。大千世界，有无数种可供我们挑选的鞋，脚却只有一双。朋友，你可要慎重！

 

少时参加运动会，临赛的前一天，老师突然给我提来一双桔红色的带钉跑鞋，祝愿我在田径比赛中如虎添翼。我褪下平日训练的白网球鞋，穿上像橘皮一样柔软的跑鞋，心中的自信突然溜掉了。鞋钉将跑道锲出一溜齿痕，我觉得自己的脚被人换成了蹄子。我说我不穿跑鞋，所有的人都说我太傻。发令枪响了，我穿着跑鞋跑完全程。当我习惯性地挺起前胸去撞冲刺线的时候，那根线早已像授带似的悬挂在别人的胸前。

 

橘红色的跑鞋无罪，该负责任的是那些劝说我的人。世上有很多很好的鞋，但要看适不适合你的脚。在这里，所有的经验之谈都无济于事，你只需在半夜时分，倾听你脚的感觉。

 

看到那位赤着脚参加世界田径大赛的南非女子的风采，我报以会心一笑：没有鞋也一样能破世界纪录！脚会长，鞋却不变，于是鞋与脚，就成为一对永恒的矛盾。鞋与脚的力量，究竟谁的更大些？我想是脚。只见有磨穿了的鞋，没有磨薄了的脚。鞋要束缚脚的时候，脚趾就要把鞋面挑开一个洞，到外面去凉快。

 

脚终有不长的时候，那就是我们开始成熟的年龄。认真地选择一种适合自己的鞋吧！一只脚是男人，一只脚是女人，鞋把他们联结为相似而又绝不相同的一双。从此，世人在人生的旅途上，看到的就不再是脚印，而是鞋印了。

 

削足适履是一种愚人的残酷，郑人买履是一种智者的迂腐，步履维艰时，鞋与脚要精诚团结；平步青云时切不要将鞋儿抛弃……

 

当然，脚比鞋贵重。当鞋确实伤害了脚，我们不妨赤脚赶路！

The Shoes of Marriage

 

Bi Shumin

 

Marriage is a pair of shoes.

 

We have feet before we have shoes. The warmth of the sand, the delicious coolness of the grass on our little feet in our childhood, and the free and uninhibited joy of those days would awaken us from our dreams throughout our lives.

 

As our journeys take us farther and farther, we begin to experience the pains that come with them and hop frantically like ostriches on scorching deserts or get stung by leeches in deep swamps.

 

Life is an endless journey. That’s why shoes were invented.

 

The purpose of putting on shoes is to walk and to get where we want to go. Sometimes, however, a grit in the shoe can bring more indescribable suffering than all other perils of the journey.

 

Shoes have thus become a topic of conversation from generation to generation within the civilized world.

 

Shoes can be made of all kinds of material. The most simple and crude shoe is a fresh plantain leaf. The most expensive are the crystal shoes that were given to Cinderella by the fairy.

 

The first essential about any shoes is that they fit the feet. Likewise, the essence of marriage is compatibility.

 

Do not ever covet elegant shoes and abuse your own feet. What other people see as shoes are in fact your feet as you feel them. Feet are more important than shoes. This is a truth all too often forgotten.

 

In the many years that I worked as a doctor, I often had to bandage young girls’ feet, when they came to me with their ankles bleeding because of the sharp edges of their shoes. I would apply a snow-white gauze bandage on them before they slipped on their panty-hose. As I watched them walk off with their graceful steps, I knew that when they danced, their lips would twist with the pain in their feet.

 

I have seen my grandmother’s shoes but not her feet. She always hid her feet from view as if they were hideous objects. Our feet, which carry our weight as we stand and walk, are blameless. They render us outstanding service. It was her shoes that were hideous. They were an instrument of torture and a mold that distorted nature.

 

Each time I learn about an uncivilized arranged marriage, I am reminded of my grandmother’s tiny shoes and her bound feet.

 

When I was a child, I had a pair of beautiful red leather shoes, but the shoes pinched my toes. Whenever I refused to wear them, adults would perfunctorily feel the inside of the shoes with their hands and say, “What nice shoes! Put them on.” I resisted in the most violent way I knew as a child. I have never understood why the person wearing shoes is not entitled to final veto power.

 

If you have not experienced a certain kind of marriage, do not make irresponsible remarks.

 

You need skates to skate, hiking boots to walk in the snow, galoshes for the rain, and walking shoes when traveling…There are infinite varieties of shoes to choose from in the whole wide world, but only one pair of feet for each of us. My friend, you need to weigh your choices carefully!

 

As a child playing sports, I received from my teacher, on the eve of a track-and-field event, a pair of orange-colored spiked running shoes, along with his expressed wish that wearing them would be like adding wings to a tiger. So I took off the white tennis shoes I wore during my everyday training and put on the running shoes, which felt as soft as orange peels. As I did so, my confidence vanished. When I saw that the spikes had left a row of marks on the track, I felt as if my feet had been changed into a pair of hoofs. I said I didn’t want the running shoes, but everyone present said I was being silly. So, at the crack of the starting pistol, I began to run in those shoes. By the time I threw out my chest, as usual, to meet the tape, it was already draped across a competitor’s chest like a sash of honor.

 

The orange-colored running shoes were blameless. The responsibility rested with those who had offered me advice. The world abounds in good shoes, but some will not fit. Wise counsel is of no avail. You need listen only to what your feet have to say in the middle of the night.

 

Looking at the South African women running barefoot in all her glory in the world track-and-field event, I smiled. World records can be broken with or without shoes. Feet grow, but shoes don’t. Herein lies an eternal contradiction. Which has the greater strength – the foot or the shoe? The foot, I believe. I’ve seen shoes that have worn out, but never feet that have worn thin. When the shoe pinches the foot, one’s big toe can always poke a hole and stick itself out to enjoy fresh air.

 

There inevitably comes a point in one’s lifetime when the feet stop growing. Choose your shoes with care! Make sure they fit your feet. In marital terms, one foot represents the man, the other the woman. They are joined like a pair of similar but by no means identical shoes. Henceforth, what you see on the road of life are no longer footprints but shoeprints.

 

Cutting feet to fit shoes is a fool’s act of cruelty. The story about a stupid man who returns empty-handed after a shoe-buying trip because he forgot to bring his measurement ridicules the pedantic. When the going gets tough, the feet and shoes must unite as one. When the feet are lifted by a cloud to the height of fame and fortune, one must not discard the shoes.

 

The feet, of course, are more precious than shoes. When shoes truly hurt our feet, we might as well get on with our journey barefoot!

 

（Yang Shuhui and Yang Yunqin 译）

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