一个春天的傍晚,园中百花怒放,父母在园中设宴,一时宾客云集,笑语四溢。
学译:At one dusk in spring, flowers were blooming wildly in the garden, my parents were holding a banquet, in which guests were gathering, laughters could be heard everywhere.
学译:On a spring evening, hundreds of flowers were in full bloom in the garden where my parents hosted a banquet. For a while, guests gathered in large number, laughing and talking, which could be heard clearly.
参考译文:On a spring evening, my parents gave a banquet in the garden where a profusion of flowers were in full bloom. In no time, a crowd of their guests collected and laughter was heard all over there.
汉语原句的“节数”增加到“五节”。译成英语,仍应确定正确的“主干”,两个“学译”不谋而合,将“园中百花怒放”,而不是“父母在园中设宴” 作为主干来处理。读来,给人一种观比萨斜塔的感觉。相比之下,参考译文则给人一种美感,散发出浓郁的英语味。原因很简单,参考译文选对了英译之“主干” (my parents gave a banquet in the garden)。另外一个值得记取的经验是:汉语原句出现了一个句号,因此80%左右的学生译文,也亦步亦趋硬性译成了一句,以上两句“学译”也不例外。复观参考译文我们发现,被处理成两句后从容之中多了些干练。
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