备考资料:翻译考试英语中级笔译句型范例(11)

作者:秩名 2014-08-13 13:36

备考资料:翻译考试英语中级笔译句型范例(11)......


  我在山坡的小屋里,悄悄掀起窗帘,窥见园中大千世界,一片繁华,自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄,也穿插其间,个个喜气洋洋。
  学译:I stayed in the small flat on the hillside, quietly opened the curtain, caught glimpse of the world in the garden, it was so flourishing:my brothers and sisters, male cousins, were coming and going through, everyone looked pleasant.
  学译:In the small cottage on the hillside, secretly I opened the curtain to see the prosperity of the big world in the garden. All of them were delighted, including my brothers, my sisters, and my cousins. 参考译文:I, without being noticed, lifted the curtain in my small room, only to spy the bustle of a kaleidoscopic world down in the garden, and my elder sisters, brothers and my cousins, each full of the joys of spring, were shuttling among the guests.
  汉语原句的“节数”有了空前的增加:八节。面对如此长的“竹竿句”,学译显得有点“技穷”,无奈之下,以上两句学译便依样画葫芦,照汉语原文的感觉走,见一句就译一句,不考虑“节”间关系,不分析时间先后和逻辑内涵。第二句学译甚至没有弄清“自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄”和“个个喜气洋洋”之间的关系,不明白“个个喜气洋洋”指的就是“自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄”,而错把All of them were delighted当作“主干”,而把my brothers, my sisters,and my cousins 用including 作为其中包含的成员处理。
  复观参考译文,发现译者在落下译笔之前,对原句的逻辑梳理非常到位,因此确定主干也极为果断。“悄悄掀起窗帘”、“也穿插其间”分别作了“主干”,英译就站稳了脚跟。特别值得一提的是,译者在第一个“主干” (lifted the curtain in my small room)之后,用了一个动词不定式短语,表示结果,在这个动词不定式短语前添加了一个副词only,译文顿时生色!这说明,除了经过逻辑分析确定“主干”之外,能活用所掌握的词汇,也极为重要。我们初学英语之时,就已经学到:only to是一个很有感情色彩的表达,其含义是:不料竟会……;没想到会……。

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